Showing posts with label Scott Weinmaster. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Scott Weinmaster. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Key is forgiveness and finding out what really happened



He walks through the house of his past, hoping he'll find the right door, hoping he'll find the key.” 
__ Steven Herrick


Generally, I am a peaceful man. But on at least three occasions, Scott Weinmaster has gotten my back up. It involved a key in each case. 
I could of beat the guy senseless, if I could have beaten him senseless. However, that would have required me to wait for him to fall asleep, and then strapping him down like the Lilliputian army did in Gulliver's Travels. A task that I was up for. But I assume it takes all the fun out of beating somebody senseless when they are strapped down.
The first case involved the key to my 1974 green Vega. I can't remember what kind of cockamamy story he told me originally to convince me to hand over the key. Chances are it had something to do with a girl. Many stories that started with Scott, and ended in trouble had that common theme.  
The only thing I know is, that he said he only needed to borrow it for about a half hour, and he would be right back. 
Wasn't that about three and half hours ago? Steam is coming out of my ears. And when he finally shows, it looks like the right front tire is flat. I go to change it — and what the heck, the spare is flat too. "I don't know," he says. "You ought to buy some new tires, man."
It took me about 30 years to forgive him, but that was only after I learned what really happened about a year later. 
Ordinarily, I am an intelligent man. You would think I would never fall for "let me borrow the key to your car, I will be back in about 30 minutes," again. That did not prove to be the case.
Once again, I loan the key. But hey, this was a big party at the Rico Court House. I personally was having a great time and my defenses were apparently compromised.
Once again, long after the prescribed half hour has come and gone, I am searching for my car and my "so-called friend" when I see red lights down the street, behind what looks like a green 1974 Vega. 
"It is lights," I confirm. "And it looks like the the car is halfway hanging over a retainer wall in that little, old lady's yard."
Turns out, it was lights on the Rico Town Police car. The green Vega was hanging over the retaining wall. And we spent the next few hours explaining to Officer Sheperic how we planned to remove the car, repair the damaged wall, and manage to get home to Dolores, without getting into any additional trouble.
It took me about 30 years to forgive him, but that was only after I learned what really happened, about six months later.
Commonly, I am easily-educated man. That is why, when Weinmaster says one day, "Lets go over to Durango," I say "Okay, but you are driving."  We hopped in Granny's Ford Fiesta and made our way over high trail to the big city. Me, thinking all the way over, "I am in safe territory, because I am not driving, and my car is not even here to worry about."
Fort Lewis College happened to be having "freshman orientation" that evening, and somehow, we ended up in the presence of a particularly beautiful young woman with long wavy hair and stunning blue eyes. 
As was his custom, Weinmaster was once-again very adept in striking up a conversation with such creatures, and I, once again, was the odd man out. Which wouldn't have been so bad  if that particular night hadn't been about 40 degrees, having no coat, and you guessed it, the absence of a key to get into Granny's Ford Fiesta.
He told told me later, "I couldn't give you the key. You would have left me there." Probably correct.
It took me about 30 years to forgive him, but that was only after I learned what really happened, about three weeks later.
Weinmaster can really get my back up at times. The key is, I feel like I probably should have beat him senseless several times. But it would take him 30 years to forgive me — and then only, when he found out what really happened.




Saturday, August 6, 2011

Count on it, if you want trout for breakfast

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When the sun finally falls on the lake in the morning, it sometimes kicks up a steam, fog or a mist

By Rob Carrigan, robcarrigan1@gmail.com
 
When a bear cub is caught in the mountains, he is brought home alive and served human food in a log cage. If he is so young that he has no teeth, he is suckled by a human nurse. When the bear is two or three years old, the Bear Festival, called Iomante or Kumamatsuri, is held in mid-winter when the fur is thickest and the meat is sweetest with fat. When all is prepared, the bear is taken out of the cage with a rope and placed between the altar and the god's window. Villagers shoot the bear with ceremonial arrows and then kill it with ordinary arrows or crush it with a huge log. The dead bear is placed before the altar, offerings are made to it and dances are performed. Festivities last for three days and nights. On the first night, to the left of the fireplace, a secret ceremony is performed called Keo-Mante, which means sending the dead body off. The brain, tongue and eyeballs are taken out of the skull and it is filled with flowers. This ceremony is held at midnight and it sends the Chira-Mante-Kamui's spirit back to his mountain heaven home. No women are allowed to take part in this particular ceremony. It is important to realize that these ceremonies do not involve making peace with the bear's spirit because it provided food for humans. The Ainu do not conceive of these rituals as involving concepts of this sort. Their relationship with a god is the primary focus of the ceremonies, not the mere acquisition of calories, which mandates the placation of the animal spirit (K. Kindaichi, 1949). __ from Ainu Bear Ritual, www.bears.org, The Ainu are an aboriginal hunter/gatherer/fisher people who once inhabited many of the islands that bound the southern half of the Sea of Okhotsk north of the main Japanese island of Honshu.
Between Fifth and Sixth Street, there was a ridge of rock jutting out into the river from the North bank that created a bit of a back pool on that side. With low water you were able stand out on the rocks, getting out near the main flow, and cast upstream toward a large boulder, into the white caps and let the current carry your line into the deep hole near the opening of the back pool. When the conditions were right, we pulled good-sized Rainbows out of there in the twilight of Dolores mornings and evenings. The place could be counted on, if you wanted trout for breakfast.
A lot of things like that, in the little town, could be counted on.
Give Weinmaster the ball on third and five, and chances are, he would get you seven or more. He wasn’t that big then, but strong as a bull moose, with good speed and wild look in his eye. A silver toothed, winning smile, and a cock-sure confidence, made him popular with lady Bears of all ages.
Scott Weinmaster was a late arrival to Dolores, coming one summer to visit his dad, ‘Granny’ Leavell, and various cousins ­– and ended up staying for high school. His mom thought he needed to “see a psychologist” at the time for wanting to stay.
Rusty Hector remembers his first meeting, “I thought back to the first time I met Scott. ‘Who is the long-hair with Leavell?’ and I was glad he became a part of my life.”
As for myself, I had prior introduction when he visited his cousin Lynn Leavell several times in the years proceeding. Lynn’s family lived across the graveled Seventh Street from me. I vaguely recall the older boys (including his older brother Ivan) not letting a very young Scott, climb up in the big Broadleaf Cottonwood tree next door.
But not many successfully told him what he could, and could not do – by the time he was old enough for high school.
“He was the quintessential devil-may-care football player, a running back, a proud Dolores High School Bear, an all-state star,” wrote Paul Glaviano, in a 1999 article for the Tampa Tribune. “His powerful legs churning with fierce resolve, he loved to crash through tacklers and, on occasion, flat outrun them.”
I think he saw his mission as protector, of Lynn, and the rest of us, and we became as close as brothers. Glaviano had become familiar with Weinmaster as he covered high school sports for the Cortez Journal back in the early ‘80s and was following up, as Scott served as adaptive sports coordinator for HealthSouth Rehabilitation of Sarasota at the time of the article.
“They talked a lot about Scott Weinmaster in the small towns of southwest Colorado in 1981. Most thought he would go on to play college. One thing for sure: He’d be a success in life. No one who knew this self-assured yet modest young man with a dry wit doubted that,” wrote Glaviano.
“Well they were right. Weinmaster is one successful guy. The path he traveled, however, was not the expected one. He sat out as a red-shirt one season at Adams State College in Alamosa, Colo., but never got into a college football game. And after March 31, 1985, he never walked again. It happened in a wink on a snow-covered Denver street.”
“I was being stupid, driving too fast,” as Scott has told the story countless times. “I had new tires an thought I was going to be just A-OK.”
“But his car became a toboggan as he approached the intersection. He scooted through the red light and was hit by another car. His vehicle spun crazily across the street striking a utility pole rear first,” noted Glaviano.
When Weinmaster was first hurt all those years ago, as I told him in a recent conversation, I personally was worried that it would somehow change him. Maybe some others were too. But it didn’t take long to figure out it was going to take more than that.
“You know that when I got hurt, I still had to be strong for family and friends,” Scott responded. “Even though that is not how I felt. It was a tough time, but after the accident, I didn’t feel like I had to be the badass persona that I had before. It let me really be me, without worrying about having to step up and fight. You know I had a few of those instances … never liked that. Not to say that I still won’t smack someone if they deserve it. I was always the guy that was the protector of all of you… protector and friend. Anyone messed with you guys, they messed with me. Glad all of that is over,” he laughs. “If I have changed, it’s for the better… Strange to say.”
Rusty Hector remembers when he heard about the accident.
“I was in bed when the phone rang. Lynn was living with me in Durango while he was at the Fort (Fort Lewis College). He took the call and came and told me. I remember holding on to the hope that Scott would walk again. I recall my trip to the city to see him when he was living at the transition apartments. We discussed the education he had received at Swedish,” says Hector.
“The majority of us live with handicaps, (my eyeglasses for example). Post accident, he had more hurdles than most. He talked about others he had been with that were in the hospital with him and there were much worse situations than the one he faced. I left Denver thinking, ‘Scott was Scott’ and it changed my perception of ‘handicapped’ folks forever.”
I told Hector that I also thought Scott was pretty much the same as he ever was (perhaps a blessing and a curse), and recalled my observations. I visited Scott once or twice at Craig Rehab and then a few times in Denver when he was living at his mom’s house. I was up in Wyoming at the time.
“Scott never really showed much grief, or really anything but determination to overcome (that I personally remember) but I suppose I wasn’t around enough to observe that on any scale. Did you see him struggle? He has told me a few things about wrestling with it in general, but he has always been fairly direct and matter-of-fact about what he went through. That probably makes him a good counselor for others going through similar circumstances, I guess. His big ego is an asset in dealing with such adversity. Did you or Lynn struggle with the reality of Scott confined to a wheel chair? Did it affect your reality in any way?,” I asked.
“I couldn’t empathize with the handicapped until it happened to Scott. He put a human face on wheelchair-bound folks. Same guy he always was, now he has just a bit harder time getting around. It hit home when it happens to someone you are close to. You also come to the realization that ‘there, but for the grace of God, go I,’” said Hector.
“I remember the exact words Lynn used. They would not be suitable for publication. Don’t recall lengthy conversations with Lynn on the subject. More of a daily ‘update’ on the healing and recovery process as Scott recovered from the accident and relatives checked in with Lynn on Scott’s progress. It was a process that I think we all worked through… shock, reality, fundraiser, life,” he said.
Weinmaster says he doesn’t think he has changed much either.
“I am still the same guy, except I’m more sensitive towards others. I probably would have never finished college. I would have never gone to Alabama and Florida and met some amazing people along the way. I wouldn’t be teaching adaptive golf and coaching… It’s been a good path I am on. I guess the people I have met over the years have made me appreciate life. Even after I was hurt, I found I was a lucky one. I was still able to be independent while others had to struggle … kind of humbles you. I think people look at me the same. There are some idiots out there but they have always been there. I think I have been an inspiration to others spinal cord injured. You know me; I have always been confident and always will be. I’m just me.”
“Who is Scott Weinmaster,” I asked.
“I am just me,” he repeated. “I’m like anyone else getting through life, even though livin’ in a chair ain’t easy. I have a beautiful wife and I feel I have been blessed and challenged along the way. I remember talkin’ to Lynn and both of us sayin’ that whatever we do seems to turn out right. I’m a firm believer that if you were a quitter before you got hurt, then life is going to be hard. If not, your personality will always be there. You know me. I have always been confident and I always will be. I am still a prick when I have to be, but much more mellow in my old age.”
I guess I knew he could be a pain in the ass. Found that out a few times over the years, when he borrowed my car in Rico … and when he left me stranded in Granny’s Fiesta in a parking lot at Fort Lewis … But he’d been there too, the times I needed it.
“You need to come down for Escalante Days. Should be a blast. Other than that, life is good. Been a good year. You know, you have bad ones too. When mom died and then both my dogs in one month, I was at the end … wouldn’t have cared if I went … but then came my new dog Jazzy … then my wife … God gives us challenges and you take them on or quit. So far, I’m still taken them on.”
When the sun finally falls on the lake in the morning, it sometimes kicks up a steam, fog or a mist. I like the layers of light, and if the water is clear, I can see deep into the flow, to the bottom, even the movement of fish there. I smell the willows, over near the bank, and see the bright green feathers of moss. When the conditions are right, we pull good sized Cutthroat out of there in the twilight of morning or evening. The place can be counted on, if you wanted trout for breakfast.
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Part 1: As I wander about seeking.



Friday, April 9, 2010

The bear's lessons



"Most things break," says Wallace Stegner. "The lessons of life amount not to wisdom, but to scar tissue and callus." As a symbol for strength, courage, and introspection, bears often are depicted in animal folklore as teachers. Good, bad or indifferent, they help to show us the way. As I write this, my hope is that I have learned at least some of the bear's lessons.

Rob Carrigan, robcarrigan1@gmail.com


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Part 1: As I wander about seeking.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Bears forever marked by loss of the shepherds

Part 5
In early times, when pandas still lived in the mountains of Tibet, the bears were white as snow. They were friends with four shepherd girls that took care of their sheep in the mountains nearby. While the shepherd girls were playing with a panda cub one day, a leopard suddenly leapt out from behind a rock and attacked the cub. The young girls, ever protective, threw themselves in front of the small bear to save it and were killed by the leopard. All the pandas were devastated by the girl’s deaths and held a ceremony to honor them for their bravery. As was the custom in Tibet, the pandas blackened their arms with ashes as a form of respect. As they wept for the girls and their ultimate sacrifice, they wiped their eyes with their paws, they covered their ears to block out the sound of the crying and they clung to each other in grief. As they did these things, the ash spread and blackened their fur. In honor of the girls, the pandas did not wash off their blackened fur. To this day, pandas are covered with the black markings to always remember. — From Tibetan Legend

From: Rob Carrigan
To: Rusty Hector
Sent: Friday, March 5, 2004

I know what you mean by articulation. I’m just trying to get some stuff on paper. I don’t know what will come of it.
Refresh my memory on “Mel, two pockets on a shirt are not cool.” I agree with you about the pith helmet. That kind of thing was typical. Bomber hat and goggles on his motorcycle, Orange Crush bandana under his football helmet, having to go home and change his shirt in sixth grade because it sported a cat in a glass jar and appeared with the caption “happiness is a tight pussy.” He did like to stand out.
— Rob.

From: Rusty Hector
To: Rob Carrigan
Sent: Friday, March 5, 2004

I remember the “good ass is hard to find” shirt that he wore under his shoulder pads. The pocket comment came in Durango one day when I was looking at shirts. I was considering a purchase of one that had two pockets.

From: Rob Carrigan
To: Rusty Hector
Sent: Monday, March 22, 2004

Rusty:
Scott talks about Lynn as “a person that I cared about not disappointing, … I looked up to him more than he ever knew.”
You say “he will always be with me, experiences, conversations, moments.”
Are you a religious man? The reason I ask is because, at times in the past few years (since his death), I have felt his presence. Like he was my own personal saint or guardian angel or something. I know how weird that sounds and maybe it is just intense memory or emotion. Whatever it is, it has helped me make some decisions. But also makes me creepily uncomfortable.

From: Rusty Hector
To: Rob Carrigan
Sent: Sunday, April 18

I have been pondering this for quite a while.
Wouldn’t say I was a religious man. To me, the term denotes tradition and repetition. I am a Christian, just trying to live my life ‘Christ like” and have a relationship with The Big Chief. I understand that Lynn also came to the saving grace… I think that he is now in the presence of the Lord, maybe even offering prayers on our behalves.
Perhaps the angel who is assigned to you is using memories of Lynn to help convey things in your spirit, so it would be in a way you understand. I draw comfort from his memory with the different decisions I’m faced with. Sometimes wondering (or hearing) the way I think he would have handled a situation. We all have the utmost respect for him. He just had that way about him. I’d call it “Quiet Confidence.” For those of us who loved him, it was the assurance of him knowing who he was and where he was headed.
Were your decisions good ones?
I still think about several things in my life where Lynn gave me advice. Sometimes, I was seeking it, and other times I wasn’t. Each time it seemed appropriate and it was never sugar coated, but I knew it was because he was trying to help me.

From: Carl Rice
To: Rob Carrigan
Sent: Monday, March 22, 2004

I could see those qualities in Lynn when he dealt with peers. I think is was partly because he had mastered the art of parenting while raising most of his family. He was like an adult in a very young body. He was always the perpetrator of calm and sense of direction. I remember the time I called a time-out in a crucial situation at the end of a game with Mancos. He came to the sidelines and I was going over options that were available for getting a first down on a third and 7. I was carrying on as only I could do and he said, “calm down coach, we will get it.” I said go get it done! He went back in and ran a dive for nine yards and a first down and that let us run out the clock. That intuition or confidence was amazing and yet at times when we were together alone, he seemed like a very small and helpless child. It was almost as if he thirsted for recognition that was not attached to responsibility. I remember when he graduated and we were shaking and grabbing kids. I walked up to him and just stared for a bit then simply hugged him and said I loved him. He broke into tears. I always wondered why that happened. He was however, easy to love as he was to respect. He was to me, the most precocious of a group of wise young men. He was special because of his awareness of the human condition and his willingness to look beyond the obvious. He was to me, both a son and friend, with full provisions of both.

From: Scott Weinmaster
To: Rob Carrigan
Sent: Sunday, March 28, 2004

Rob,
Sorry to get back so late but been a busy guy. Am i religious? i guess in a way. i don’t go to church or anything but i do pray, guess i got my own relationship with the big guy. i really haven't felt a presence of lynn or any of the people that i have lost, i guess i rely on me…
Not to say i don’t think about what some of them might think about my actions. But as always i make my own decisions … good and bad and i have made both. lol i do really hope that i will see them all again someday … but i guess i am a realist … this is what u got so deal with it… the only way i know how to live at this point in life. Live each day!! don’t know what’s in store tomorrow…

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Saturday, April 3, 2010

As I wander about, seeking ...

Part 1
“In Scandinavia, there was a firm belief in the ability of some people to change into or assume the characteristics of bears. Our English word "berserk" comes from this legend. It was thought that if a warrior was to don a bear-skin shirt (called a bear-sark) which had been treated with oils and herbs, that the warrior would gain the strength, stamina, and power of the animal. These people would be driven into a frenzy in battle and were said to be capable of biting through the enemy's shields or walking through fire without injury.” — Gary Coulbourne

Sometimes, stories should be allowed to tell themselves.
In November of 2003, I began exploring the idea of writing something about how my friend, Lynn Leavell’s life and death had an impact on my own, and the lives of some of my friends. Pieces of that exploration have appeared here and there, but the definitive account, the be-all-to-end-all version that puts the matter to rest, never seems to emerge.
After wrestling with this mystery off and on all these years, the truth may be that I will never understand. Life may simply be just one damn thing after another, or not.
But following are few of the conversations and exchanges I’ve shared as I wander about, seeking.

From: Rob Carrigan
To: Scott Weinmaster
Sent: Thursday, February 26, 2004

Scott:
I am working on a writing project that involves Lynn and our trip to Dolores in November but ran into some roadblocks. I have asked Rusty and Carl Rice similar questions. What I am thinking of writing may take many forms. The idea that appeals to me now is an examination of value systems, environment, culture, etc… as it relates to one man’s life, Lynn Leavell. By talking about Lynn and his life, we try to take a good honest look in the mirror. Some of us will have different takes on what was, is, and might have been. A starting place for you and I on this, as I see it, is for you to tell me how you viewed Lynn? How you viewed yourself as it related to him? Your perceptions of the group as a whole? And any other observations you care to comment on?
An important disclaimer: in the course of this and future conversations, you want to tell me something but it is off limits as far as writing about it, you must make that clear to me. Because, otherwise, it might find its way into print. Thanks for your consideration. Let me know what you think. ¬—Rob

From: Scott Weinmaster
To: Rob Carrigan
Sent: Febrary 27, 2004

rob,
lots of things to think about… as far lynn and i, we kinda grew together as young kids, but as i went out of town, i lost track of all the family, until my mom sent me back to dolores my 9th grade summer, lynn made me feel at home as soon as i got back… he introduces me to everyone, u know the group… lynn was closer to me than my own brothers… we just seemed to click from the beginning … for a guy that wasn’t all that talented at sports physically, he was a wonder when it came to knowing the game … never knew anyone that had such a brain for the game … all games, he used his head more than body … that’s why he needed a special helmet to cover that rock of a head... lol… he was gentle and caring … but a hell of a competitor!! i remember that he was upset with me at 1 point thinking i was taking away from him being the head of the boys with granny … we both cried and of course had a few drinks back then but realized that it didn’t matter, we were bros and what mattered was how we felt and dealt with 1 another… as far as how i related to lynn, i guess i have to say that i was the alpha dog … but knew i couldn’t do much without him and the others … i feel that lynn respected me for that … he was the buffer and the smart 1 … i still regret that didn’t go to mesa, life would have been different, he wouldn’t have let me screw up … so i guess he was a person that i cared about not disappointing, … i looked up to him more that he ever knew … i always thought he was the star and not me … we had a lot of great times together … i miss him! so i guess the easiest way to do this is to send me specific questions … and listen to me ramble … 1 ? at a time, u know I can get overwhelmed lol… but to me, Dolores and all of u were the best thing that ever happened to a city boy.
scott
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Wednesday, October 14, 2009

To use a rather crude expression


These guys go way back with me, almost as far as I can remember -- to use a rather crude expression, longer than a whore’s dream.
There are bad things and good things about longtime friends.
The bad thing is, they will never change.
The good thing is, well -- they will never change.
To paraphrase one of our former coaches, Edsel Page, while running plays as the ‘hamburger squad’ in the ‘hammer’ formation under assistant coach Brian Tobin,
“Screw around, screw around, that’s all you guys do.”
He had a point, but it was probably a mistake to be so mad about it. Sign of weakness, you know, showing us how to get to you.
“Let’s see what happens if we run a “Statue of Liberty play,” was Tobin answer in the next huddle.
Henry Adams said, “One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible.”
I can count higher than that. Sometimes, it is a wonder how we manage to be so fortunate.
God, save me from my friends – I can protect myself from my enemies.
And from Mark Twain, “The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.”
Ah, who needs them? I’m seldom wrong.
To lift another vague expression -- Aim low boys, they are riding Shetlands.
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