I used to work in Dolores, In a hardware store

By Rob Carrigan, robcarrigan1@gmail.com

"I Used to Work in Chicago" is a drinking song. I have adapted it to fit my own circumstances, and 'regionalized' for my own narrative. It follows below.
Years ago, my good friend Jeff used to "bring up the house" with his guitar and this little ditty in the oldest bar in Fort Collins, when it was still a 3.2 beer only place.
The song was written by songwriter and entertainer Larry Vincent. The earliest printed date for the song is March 1945 in the underground mimeographed songbook Songs of the Century, however versions of the song circulated "on the street" as early as 1938 according to the Digital Tradition Folk Music Database. Many of the lyrics are considered humorous because of the oblique sexual references. The song is often chanted by various British university sports teams, often Rugby teams.
After World War II, there were various versions of this song commercially recorded (e.g. by Spike Jones).

• A variation of this song is also occasionally performed by Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam during their live performances with the final lines, "Liquor she wanted / Lick her I did / I don't work there anymore."
• The same (Liquor/Lick her) version is also sung by Dusty and Lefty, played by Woody Harrelson and John C. Reilly, in the film A Prairie Home Companion.
• One verse sung by Charles Durning in the movie Jerry and Tom. "A woman came in for a house dress. I asked her what kind she wore. 'Jumper,' she said. Jump her I did and I don't work there anymore."

From USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO

(Traditional)

Three Bits Of Rhythm - 1946
Also recorded by: Merle Travis; Oscar Brand;
Rick Bedrosian; Sammy Kaye & His Orch. 

Adapted by Rob Carrigan, regional emphasis.

 We used to work in Dolores
In a hardware store
We worked in the candy department
We did, but we don't anymore
A lady came in for some candy
"And what will you have?" we said
"Kisses" she said, and kisses she got
We'll never work there anymore

SPOKEN: And then we got fired

I used to work in Dolores
In a hardware store (You did?)
I worked in the hat dept
I did, but I don't anymore (What happened?)
A lady came in for a hat one day
"What'll you have?" I said (What'd she say?)
"Felt," she said, and felt 'er I did
I'll never work there anymore

SPOKEN:
1st Voice: That was my Wife!
2nd Voice: She's all right
1st Voice: I'm not talkin' to you
2nd Voice: I'm not askin' you
1st Voice: Ooh!

I used to work in Dolores
In a hardware store
I worked in the glove department
I did, but I don't anymore
A lady came in for some gloves one day
"And what will you have?" I said (What she say?)
"Rubber" she said, and rub 'er I did
I'll never work there anymore

SPOKEN:
1st Voice: I love my work
2nd Voice: I bet you do

I used to work in Dolores
In a hardware store
I worked in the shoe department
I did, but I don't anymore
A lady came in for some shoes one day
"What kind would you like?" I said
"Boot" she said, and boot 'er I did
I'll never work there anymore

SPOKEN:
1st Voice: You get a kick out the work, don't you?
2nd Voice: Well, you see, that was my mother-in-law

I used to work in Dolores
In a department store
I worked in the stockings department
I did, but I don't anymore
A lady came in for some stockings
"And what'll you have?" I said
"Hose" she said, and hose she got
I'll never work there anymore

SPOKEN:
1st Voice: You're fired!
2nd Voice: You can't fire him, he means Nylons
1st Voice: Ooh!

I used to work in Dolores
In a hardware store
I worked in the bakery department
I did, but I don't anymore (Make any dough, Joe?)
A lady came in for some bakeries
"And what will you have?" I said
"A layer" she said, a layer she got
I'll never work there anymore

SPOKEN: I love my work

I used to work in Dolores
In a hardware store
I worked in the poultry department
I did, but I don't anymore
A lady came in for some poultry one day
"And what will you have?" I said
"A goose" she said, and a goose she got
I'll never work there anymore

We used to work in Dolores
In a hardware store
We worked in the meat department
We did, but we don't anymore
A lady came in for some meat one day
"And what will you have?" we said
"Baloney", she said, and wieners she got
We'll never work there anymore

Photo Information;

Hollywood gathering years ago. Photos courtesy of Scott Weinmaster.

I know it all by name

Load the code every day, but the hardware remains the same.
The clock ticks passed. Soft things last?
I know them all by name.

Years ago, I stumbled in, followed Thanksgiving Day.
I learned some stuff.  In seven years...
Never knowing the length of that lesson's stay.

Mopped the floor, swept at night, key in history's lock.
Plate glass windows to the world,
Red dogs there, retail down the block.

Town has changed, store burned down, guess it was '84.
Sidewalk there, seems so bare.
But I recall, and others too, was D-town core.

Walk next door, grocery store, Monty cutting meat
Hollywood bar, an empty lot.
At the Sawmill Run, you might try something to eat.

Flanders Park, the town hall, library books line the shelves.
Firehouse, trucks of red, pool, and poker fed.
Old cop shop, bars one cell, blame no one, but them selves.

Goose on side that gallops on, blacksmith with but one leg,
Railroad is where highway runs,
Central's business not much now — a goose egg.

Thirty, forty, years ago, place where whistle blew at noon.
Today I ask, clouded past, misty eye
What all has changed, how it became so late, so soon?

Load the code, every day, hardware remains the same.
Clock ticks past. Software blasts.
I know it all by name.

__ Rob Carrigan

Photo of John Lambert, by Tim Pleasant

Nailed it, over and over again.

Told you I could balance 16 nails on the head of one

By Rob Carrigan, robcarrigan1@gmail.com

Cook your eggs the same way every time, don’t you? Some things, you just can’t help but come back to, to the same place, over and over again. For me, it is in a little store, in a little town, when I was just a little man.

Saturday morning, 9 a.m., 1979 ­­-- A curvy woman, dark shoulder-length, curly hair, maybe 30, attractive, with a big, winning smile on her face, bounces in from the side door, right up to the nail counter.

“Do you have a block of wood and a hammer?”

Nick and I looked at her, and perhaps at each other. We didn’t say it, but this is a hardware store, lady, of course there is a hammer around here, and I’m sure, a block of wood.

“What are you using them for?” One of us asked.

“I bet I can balance 16 nails on the head of one,” her answer confidently snapped back in our general direction.

Per her instructions, we fished seventeen 16-penny, smooth-box, cement coats, out of the dusty nail bin and plopped them down on the semi-rough surface of the composite counter.

“Now drive one into the center of the block,” she said. “But not all the way down.”

One of us grabbed the hammer that hung in a loop at the edge, near the scale.

And,  we did as we were told.

She grabbed up the rest of the nails. She places one flat in the center on the dark countertop, then, alternating on each side, places all but one of  the additional nails, with their heads down the spine of that first nail, until all of them lined up, looking like an eight-winged dragon fly. Then, with the last nail dropped on top, facing the opposite direction, and also weaving between the segments of the metal dragon fly, she picks up the whole configuration, between thumb and forefinger.

Steadily, but very quickly, she balances it on the nail that we drove into the block of wood.

All sixteen nails balanced, by themselves, on the center piece.

“I told you I could balance 16 nails on the head of one,” she said, flashed the smile again, and left through side door. Never to be seen again.

I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve successfully, and sometimes profitably, used that trick since.

###